Jennifer (cali_shygirl) wrote,
Jennifer
cali_shygirl

  • Mood:
i think everyone would be happy to know what just happened, that is...if i even knew myself. i feel like even worse shit and im on the verge of tears again but oh well. i wish i didnt care so much/wasnt so protective/wasnt so nosey. people dont get it that i just do it cos i care about them but...its too late for that now i guess. its like i dont even really want to be here im just here cos...thats what makes my parents happy. i mean...if i had uncaring parents and i didnt like and love them as much as i do i would be gone by now. but no, i have a conscious and i use it. overly even. so basically i did what everyone wanted me to do, and that was telling people fuck off. i really would love...if something had happened but no. my curiousity kills me every time and i just end up screwing stuff up. seriously...i just dont know. ah....i hate having this feeling of emptiness and numbness. i wake up (regretfully) every morning with this sickness in me. i have a one track mind and sometimes i wish it would just shut off, but it wont. that one hope runs through my mind constantly, but at the end of the day it always ends up the same: me being angry, bitter and in tears...then i so stupidly get my hopes up for the next day which is one of the worst possible things i could do if i think about it now. i dunno...this song somewhat reflects how i feel...

being with you - that dog
i sit with emptiness waiting for your call
will you still love me after the fall
an open phone line, but i still hit your walls
and it's just like being with you.
the cold rejection, that we can see the
our whole reflection, that i can't believe
we'll say it's over, but won't feel relieved
it's just like being with you
it's just like being with you

you know what you
need to do
and i know what's right for me
and you know what you
need to do
and i know what's right for me

a happy birthday i will wish you
the swollen memory, so we must choose
a tearful goodbye but we can't lose
it's just like being with you
it's just like being with you
you know what you need to do and i know what's right for me
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