know what i really admire? the properties of cold blood. seriously...it jellies up and then it feels so divine. haha....i mean....ewwww blood! o_O erm...yaeh. i was going to write what i felt but...thats too hard right now. i feel a total loss of someone like they died, even when they are currently alive and well. i dunno...they killed themselves to me so we dont talk anymore. i wish we did. i wish they'd understand, but i doubt they ever will. thats ok though. what ever happened to the 'things will get better'? what ever happened to 'things will work out in the end'? obiviously you arent the one working to make things better, and since you defied my trys to restore what once was, i've given up too, because there is no trying with an unwilling subject. its really disappointing that it all had to come to this. i really miss that person but...there isnt much i can do when im not encouraged by them. so...just wait until they talk to me again and maybe....who knows?